Coaching or Mentoring? Let’s Clear It Up.

I get a lot of calls from people asking for coaching. But once we start talking, I often realize what they actually want is mentoring. Both are valuable, but they’re not the same.

The word “coaching” gets tossed around a lot. Instructional coaching. Leadership coaching. Since COVID, everyone needs help in one way or another, and coaching has become the catch-all term. I get it.

One service I provide is Executive Leadership Coaching—and it’s very specific. This kind of coaching helps people think more clearly. Whether it’s losing weight, working towards a work/life balance, having a tough conversation, or creating a campus improvement plan, my job is to help you get clear on what you want and think through how to get there. Sometimes the topic is personal. Sometimes professional. In leadership, the two are always connected.

Here’s the big difference: I’m not here to give advice or solve your problem. I’m here to help you solve your problem. I’ve got my own issues—I don’t need yours! What I bring is the ability to listen, ask sharp questions, and push your thinking further than it would normally go. That’s coaching and I love doing it.

One of my favorite books on this is Quiet Leadership by David Rock. He shares a graphic that stuck with me. Imagine two people sitting at a square table. The client is focused on the “problem” in the middle. The coach? The coach is focused on the person, not the problem. That’s the work—shaping how someone thinks, not what they think about.

Now, mentoring is different.

Mentoring says, “I’ve done this—let me show you how I did it.” It’s advice, stories, shortcuts, and strategies from someone who’s been there. I love this quote:

“When you want to know how the road is ahead, ask someone who is coming back.”

That’s mentoring. You’re learning from someone who’s walked the road before you and is now returning to help.

Here’s a real-world example. I can coach a superintendent—no question. I can help them think through complex challenges, board relationships, or district-wide strategy. But I can’t mentor them. I’ve never been a superintendent. I don’t know the lived experience of that seat. What I can do is help them process, reflect, and make strong decisions. That’s the coaching I do.

But if you’re a principal? That’s my road. I’ve led at both ends of the spectrum. I turned around a struggling school. And before that, I led a very high performing school—high expectations, high-performing students, and very involved parents. Different work. Same type of hard.

So if you’re looking for support, clarity, and direction let’s talk. Whether it’s coaching or mentoring (or a little of both), we’ll figure it out together.